At a routine checkup a while back, the doctor gave me a flier inviting me to come hear a psychologist wax eloquent on the 7 different personality/behavioral traits of children ages 2-7. Reading through the list of diverse characteristics that this professor would be discussing really put my hackles up. The thought of having a complete stranger - PhD not withstanding - tell me, without ever having met my children, into which stereotypical box I needed to place my kids was rather infuriating.
I know my children better than anyone else, and I DON'T want someone else slapping labels on them, I grumbled to myself. I left the doctor's office without the slightest intention of ever attending such a meeting and tried my best to conceal from the doctor my scorn for the idea.
The funny thing about these situations is that I inevitably become guilty of the very thing for which I judge others. This time would prove to be no exception.
As we began this school year, I had some preconceived ideas of how things would go and how the kids would each handle this new learning environment. For example, I assumed that T, with his exceptionally clear speech and methodical logic, would excel noticeably over K, who speaks with a substantial lisp and who is much more sullen and subdued than his older, louder counterpart.
Was I ever in for a surprise! One day early on I asked T to read through his 5 sight words. He took his sweet time in doing so, and apparently K had had enough of wasting time and blurted out all five words in less than a second, much to T's surprise and embarrassment. K also has much more motivation than does T, and K is the one who routinely finishes his assignments first. I had really expected it to be the other way around.
Something else I wasn't entirely prepared for was the depth of T's understanding. Since he often jabbers on about anything that pops into his head just for the sake of making noise, I wasn't prepared for the deep level his curiosity reaches. He wants to know every state, country, and ocean on his globe (praise the Lord for the wise globe makers who wrote out all those names instead of leaving me to guess!). Today, he had me show him a drawing of the organs in a human body because he wanted to know just where, exactly, his stomach was, how it was attached to his esophagus, and how the large and small intestines aid in digestion. When I was his age, I don't think I even knew that those internal parts existed! Other things he's been interested in are a working engine, an atomic bomb, and simple scientific reactions. All I can say is that I'm very, very grateful for an extremely knowledgeable husband...and for Youtube when Daddy's not home to explain. :)
While I still despise the thought of "labeling" children or placing them in a "box," I've realized that placing my own labels or assumptions on them isn't any better than having a psychologist do it. I still have expectations for each child, but I'm also trying to be open to each one's strengths and weaknesses. Apparently, I wasn't as knowledgeable about them as I would have first thought! I guess this was a perfect example of how home schooling isn't just for the purpose of educating the children of the home. It's a complete family-learning scenario.
So now, I wonder, what will L be like once she hits kindergarten? I can't wait to find out!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Life in the Balance
I like to be organized. I like to be balanced. I like to be prepared. I like to be punctual. And for those of you who know me well, you're probably laughing right now, since you know that I'm NOT organized, balanced, prepared, or punctual.
This summer, I started stressing over how I was going to be a good wife, mom, housekeeper, and teacher. Much as I wished to be a good homemaker, I wasn't a competent housekeeper even before I took on the task of teaching the boys. So how was I going to add their education to my already-full plate without dropping the ball in some other area?
And then something a friend wrote really resonated with me: how do you find a balance when there isn't one?
...when there isn't one?
I had never before thought about the possibility that I was looking for a balance that simply didn't exist. I had assumed that, miraculously, I needed to find the missing key in order to do it all. But I think my friend was right. There simply isn't a key, or a balance, to be found. It's not there.
After this mental breakthrough, I stopped stressing. Each day, we try to get the bulk of our school work done, with a few household chores sprinkled throughout our day. And when the housework builds up to the point that it's inhibiting either our functionality or our health, we simply reverse our priorities. We try to get the bulk of our housework done with a few worksheets accomplished here and there.
Am I neglecting the kids' education by doing so? I think not. I realized early on that home schooling has very little to do with workbooks and a great deal to do with life. Teaching children how to manage overflowing toys is just as necessary as learning to count, at least in my opinion. Plus, we can also incorporate learning into scrubbing bathroom sinks. We can sing through our educational songs while working. We can count the toys as we toss them into the toy box. We can stop to read a book before sliding it back on the shelf.
And, if the house is clean, I'm a happier person, which translates into a better teacher the following day. I think the kids would gladly put up with a day of chores rather than deal with a constantly-grumpy mom.
It's not a perfect solution, but it's one that works for us, for right now. As our needs change, so will our strategies. These days, I find that I'm learning at least as much as the kids are. To me, that's really exciting!
Life truly isn't balanced, and it was quite silly of me for trying to make it so. This is yet another area where I'm learning to roll with life's hiccups. Perhaps someday I'll actually discover my sea legs instead of falling apart every time a wave of life hits!
This summer, I started stressing over how I was going to be a good wife, mom, housekeeper, and teacher. Much as I wished to be a good homemaker, I wasn't a competent housekeeper even before I took on the task of teaching the boys. So how was I going to add their education to my already-full plate without dropping the ball in some other area?
And then something a friend wrote really resonated with me: how do you find a balance when there isn't one?
...when there isn't one?
I had never before thought about the possibility that I was looking for a balance that simply didn't exist. I had assumed that, miraculously, I needed to find the missing key in order to do it all. But I think my friend was right. There simply isn't a key, or a balance, to be found. It's not there.
After this mental breakthrough, I stopped stressing. Each day, we try to get the bulk of our school work done, with a few household chores sprinkled throughout our day. And when the housework builds up to the point that it's inhibiting either our functionality or our health, we simply reverse our priorities. We try to get the bulk of our housework done with a few worksheets accomplished here and there.
Am I neglecting the kids' education by doing so? I think not. I realized early on that home schooling has very little to do with workbooks and a great deal to do with life. Teaching children how to manage overflowing toys is just as necessary as learning to count, at least in my opinion. Plus, we can also incorporate learning into scrubbing bathroom sinks. We can sing through our educational songs while working. We can count the toys as we toss them into the toy box. We can stop to read a book before sliding it back on the shelf.
And, if the house is clean, I'm a happier person, which translates into a better teacher the following day. I think the kids would gladly put up with a day of chores rather than deal with a constantly-grumpy mom.
It's not a perfect solution, but it's one that works for us, for right now. As our needs change, so will our strategies. These days, I find that I'm learning at least as much as the kids are. To me, that's really exciting!
Life truly isn't balanced, and it was quite silly of me for trying to make it so. This is yet another area where I'm learning to roll with life's hiccups. Perhaps someday I'll actually discover my sea legs instead of falling apart every time a wave of life hits!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
The "Secret Weapon"
When it comes to action stories, the scripts don't change much: hero and villain fight a mighty battle, and at first it isn't clear who will become victorious. That is, until the hero produces his "secret weapon" and deals his opponent the fatal blow. The hero wins, the enemy dies, and everyone goes home happy.
Whenever I read one of these plots, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Why didn't the hero just bring out the 'secret weapon' in the beginning and save himself some battle wounds?"
As far as I know, there isn't a logical answer to that question.
I've noticed that my own life isn't much different from the scenario above. As a wife, mom, and home educator, I have a "secret weapon" that, instead of tapping into right away, I tend to neglect until things have really run amuck. It isn't as though this secret weapon lies buried, forgotten, in a dark closet. Rather, it is daily before me, though I seem to stare right through it.
No, it isn't God's Word or prayer - though I've been just as guilty about neglecting those necessities as well.
The secret weapon of which I speak?
My husband.
Yes, I have forgotten to let him fulfill the role which God designed for him. I plan, create, develop many good ideas, but only when they fall apart completely do I turn to him and ask for his input. As it turns out, he has some really good insight (imagine that!). And if I would more readily seek his advice, I think I'd save myself hours of worry, frustration, and misery.
What opened my eyes to this was a book called "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" But it wasn't what the book said that sent me a warning signal; it was what WASN'T said.
I always begin reading a book at the beginning - the introduction, the preface, or whatever part comes first. So I did with the above-mentioned book. The author began her acknowledgments by thanking her children, then her friends, editors, publishers, and so on. But she never once thanked her husband (I double-checked). Honestly, he was rarely mentioned at all, even though it was a book on discipline - something I consider to be both parents' department, not just Mom's.
That isn't to say the book wasn't good; I found it very helpful in understanding discipline from a Biblical perspective. But I feel it could have been so much more profound if the author had enlisted the help of her husband.
I think that often we Mommies get lost in this battle of child rearing and teaching. We're with the kids day in and day out, often without respite. We feed them. We love them. We educate them. We train them. We chauffeur them. Caring for the kids becomes so ingrained in us that we forget that God has designed parenting to be a joint effort, and this can be very dangerous.
Of course, there are always special situations - I know of single moms who home school, of families where Dad does the schooling while mom works - but for the majority of homes, Mom does the child care and education while Dad wins the bread.
Please don't follow in my footsteps and neglect this wonderful helper whom God has graciously given you. Ask your husband for help and guidance. Get his perspective on your kids' education (and other areas of life, too). Use your secret weapon from the beginning and avoid some battle scars.
Chances are, not only will your home school life improve, but your marriage just might, too! :)
Whenever I read one of these plots, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Why didn't the hero just bring out the 'secret weapon' in the beginning and save himself some battle wounds?"
As far as I know, there isn't a logical answer to that question.
I've noticed that my own life isn't much different from the scenario above. As a wife, mom, and home educator, I have a "secret weapon" that, instead of tapping into right away, I tend to neglect until things have really run amuck. It isn't as though this secret weapon lies buried, forgotten, in a dark closet. Rather, it is daily before me, though I seem to stare right through it.
No, it isn't God's Word or prayer - though I've been just as guilty about neglecting those necessities as well.
The secret weapon of which I speak?
My husband.
Yes, I have forgotten to let him fulfill the role which God designed for him. I plan, create, develop many good ideas, but only when they fall apart completely do I turn to him and ask for his input. As it turns out, he has some really good insight (imagine that!). And if I would more readily seek his advice, I think I'd save myself hours of worry, frustration, and misery.
What opened my eyes to this was a book called "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" But it wasn't what the book said that sent me a warning signal; it was what WASN'T said.
I always begin reading a book at the beginning - the introduction, the preface, or whatever part comes first. So I did with the above-mentioned book. The author began her acknowledgments by thanking her children, then her friends, editors, publishers, and so on. But she never once thanked her husband (I double-checked). Honestly, he was rarely mentioned at all, even though it was a book on discipline - something I consider to be both parents' department, not just Mom's.
That isn't to say the book wasn't good; I found it very helpful in understanding discipline from a Biblical perspective. But I feel it could have been so much more profound if the author had enlisted the help of her husband.
I think that often we Mommies get lost in this battle of child rearing and teaching. We're with the kids day in and day out, often without respite. We feed them. We love them. We educate them. We train them. We chauffeur them. Caring for the kids becomes so ingrained in us that we forget that God has designed parenting to be a joint effort, and this can be very dangerous.
Of course, there are always special situations - I know of single moms who home school, of families where Dad does the schooling while mom works - but for the majority of homes, Mom does the child care and education while Dad wins the bread.
Please don't follow in my footsteps and neglect this wonderful helper whom God has graciously given you. Ask your husband for help and guidance. Get his perspective on your kids' education (and other areas of life, too). Use your secret weapon from the beginning and avoid some battle scars.
Chances are, not only will your home school life improve, but your marriage just might, too! :)
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